Death and Love

There was this lady.. must be 40 something.. she lived in the same apartments as me. She died. I just found out. I dunno when but recently she passed away, mom didnt tell me coz i was already sick.I feel so overwhelmed, shes gone. We used to attend prayers together. Morning prayers together.. I never felt safe going alone, she always took me with her. Those were restless nights for me. Had stuff on my mind. I was basically haunted. Haunted. Those prayers were my solace. I still remember those haunted nights. SHe was so proud of me. LUMS and all ALHAMDULILAH. She was divorced, had no kids. Used to live with her mom. Her mother's still alive...

The last time she met me, she asked me to pray for her mother( her mom was sick). She was like, "You are a daughter, God will listen to you. Please pray for my mom that God restores her health." she said something like that. I did. And her mom's ok, i guess.

It must be so hard for her. Losing a daughter like that. That lady died of a heart attack. She always asked me to visit her home. She was soo active MASHALLAH. She was a teacher and was into social work too.

May God grant her peace and love. AAMEEN

I love you and will miss you always. No matter what now, u have filled these places in my life with love. and i love u for it.

This is for everyone who, at one point in time has meant something to me and has filled me with love. I love you.

Love,
Naureen

hmm....

Do u feel offended when I say life is 'fucked up'?!

:D

yeah staying out in the cold.. after posting yr blogs, sitting out in the cold and crying aint the wisest thing to do... i did have someone by my side(my friend saw me and stayed with for long and talked to me and comforted me... sardiii lag gayeee been soo sick! and now my abs hurt:D ouch!!

Ah friends make life easier but no crying or eating ice cream in a collddd seasoon!

the pain...

WHy? why do people hurt ya> why do people not care when u care bac?why am i so dissatisfied why does it hurt so much? A part of mewants to sit and cry another part of me wants to go bac to my friends roomand cry my eyes out. People hurt ya dun they, they dun really care.Why do i care so much?why, why, why?it feels pointless, its causing me so much pain.\I feel numb with pain and worry. I gota work thisits been years... ive been disappointed since childhood thru thingslike these, pain, ignorance, carelessness. WHy cant ppl for once understand how sensitive i am and take care of it?\how much shud i adjust>


i just wana go n cry but it wont get me anywhere,... its nor worth itttttttttttGodd... what do u do when it hurts, it hurts so bad... ppl u love so much hurt uthey really really do...
ugh

hieee! updates! + nature obsessed thoughts

I cant resist it.. the beauty of nature.. the weather is lovely here! and these windows in the lab let u peek into what feels like heaven... no its not the male hostel i can see , its ALHAMDULILAH the duck pond, the grass, benches and the beautiful sky! =o) I love it here...
Life is good.Looking at stars at night is just beautiful. I have a good view from my hostel room :) Friends are good. U can hang out anytime u want. :)
I got enrolled in ma Writing and Compo course.. for the rest 3 i am on the waiting list! :D ahem! lets see..

Exams going on... finals! ALHAMDULILAH 1 hogaya three more to go :)
INSHALLAH

tc! vbye bye
:)_

hie~

Life is.. good ALHMADULILAH. Its one of those phases when things are better. Subtle and a bit painful and u discover this coldness and resilience within you that helps you surpass thoughts that destruct yr peace. It is one of those phases for me. I know things arent perfect, but INSHALLAH they INSHALLAH will get better. I have faith, in the rewards and return of my struggle. I am gonna surpass it. That I know.

I have a feeling that when I reach a moment I abstractly aspire for, I will look back at this time and be proud. Feel the sweetness of the struggle that defines certain aspects of my life. That shall be good. The basic attraction now is teh future that holds love and peace. Some extension of the present. I am loved. I will be loved.

For now,INSHALLAH i can, i will.

Love,
Naureen.

P.s. : Foofu, Baray Bhaloo, ullu, dhakan and dabba, nutian, thats what i call u. But these are just variables for the wonderful person inside u... Keep smiling! new name: orange!!!

We are gona create a miracle

living. living
with my own preferences
Choices made
things chosen
consequences appeared
Is life always what it appears to be?
arent surprises around the corner?
do u believe in serendipity.
R u strong enough to account for yr own choices?
do u believe in yrself like u never waiver?
do u trust yrself really?
sometimes i dont
i dont feel worthy enough!
do u trust God and dump stuff on him?
I think i do
or do u trust Him to work with u.
I do do that :)
Coz its so worth it.
The wonder of building
The solace of struggle
The life to be lived
the song to be sung
coz its all worth it
Isnt it true that u do not know the real worth of thing until u use them
until u need them
and they give it to u
and what u do with it
arent u the architect of worth then?
U do have the power within.
You do,
yes, you do.
How do you work with it then?
do u blame yrself on missing out on stuff
coz yr norms suggest them
dont u cherish those serene, inward smile moments taht last forever..
just coz they existed once
and promise even better days to come
have u ever cried so much that u were compelled to ask the Angels to help out
coz God didnt seem to listen
That u did trust Him
but u trusted not the power within
You wanted different things
not what was given to u
but what wasnt
and have u ever achieved them?
have u seen and felt things change
through it all
the pain ... the pleasure and the pain
and then realized the things u never trusted
are the things that trust u
the things u were scared of
are the things that make u strongest
that gift u taht ounce of love
that a pound of pretense and preferences can never give.
It only works to fool yourself
but then this ounce of love makes me surpass it all
not forget it but helps u deal with it
thats the way i am feeling
I am messing up
I am making blunders
I am not fully satisfied with my body and my thoughts
but i am working towards my goals
and i am achieving them
I trust Him to trust me
I know He has made me capable of being worthy
Now,this architect has to work
and wonders will come her way...
Planned, intended, struggled for but never could be imagined wonders
This transition from pain to something else feels wonderful.


gather up yr tools,
pack yrself in the moment,
We are gona create a miracle!.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourbloggingpersonalityquiz/

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger. You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause. You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you! A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's" Your Blogging Personality?

My sorrow

My sorrow is.. your solace,
For in helping me,
you help your self.
My sorrow is.. your pain,
For in causing it,
you hurt yourself.
My sorrow is.. your most sensitive self,
Then,
Are we not one?


Love,
Naureen.

Top of the world and looking, down on creation.....

I love mornings! esp when i am up! been up since 11:30 pm and am lovin' it. Studied, shugal kiya, sehri ki, namaz parhi and pre-lab ki!!! I like the LUMS campus! I opt for havin sehri outside the hostel, PDC is so full of life. I like noise!! :) I even make it a point not to eat alone in my room! just bug ppl and talk to them its fun!!! LOL!

Come find me now

Come find me now,
I am all gone.
The treasure that was me,
Has flown.
In its place remains,
A sign.
A testimony that you
hurt me.
hurt me hard,
And now, I am gone
And you, all alone,
In your ignorance,
Can't name your pain.
It's me.
I am your pain.
Come find me now.



Naureen

Heyy!

I like it here! Morning walks and all. I like the ducks here. And i saw a squirrel today! It was soo cutee! It gets lonely here sometimes but mornings at LUMS are beautiful!!! I Like receiving calls from friends from time to time :) SOmeone got a cultus and is what appears to be a crazy Gol Gappa fan! :) I slept at a class time. Missed it. 0.25% of my total grade gone :D but nah, never mind, i am not gona turn into a freak! I gotta take things slowly! LOL and these things happen. The class was at 3:30 and i woke up at 3:50 pm :D But I feel much better now. The past few days were hard,.. asthama and all. It gets so frustuating sometimes, you cant breathe. I cried before sleeping in one of those days. But then I put a smile on ma face and had faith that things wud get better INSHALLAH :) And God listened :) I am much better now. Yeah had dinner at PDc warna hostel mein hi khana magwati thi!
I like my friends here too, we kid around a lot! They tease me with, "Main ja raha hoon." A phrase i use a lot :) If u find ppl of yr type, its much fun!! :) Hostel life is good too. We have a beautiful hostel. It feels like i am writing an essay!
Better get bac to work! I even love the gym here! Aerobics classes are fun :)
Tc byee!

Thats the way I like it

I like it here at LUMS. Its more peaceful, more me. I am finally adjusting here. I like the mornings here.. they are serene and beautiful! I liek my friends here. I feel happier too, i guess. I am happier but then there are ups and downs. The thing i love most abt the dorms is they are well maintained and i can come and get some sleep in between classes if theres a good time gap! I think I am finally adjusting. And setting yr priorities, caring for yr friends feels wonderful!! :) Althoug i am more of a recluse here LOL, running around, doing my chores, mostly alone but i like being wid ppl. I dun follow a particular set of friends to do all activities with, I share activities with different groups of ppl that feels excellent. I like knowing the juniors here that I know, Ahad and Saqib that is.there are certain friends who remain special no matter what!

I am not

I am not ok. I dun feel so. Things are weird. No turning back! I know that things are gonna be fine. I know its gona be alright. But still I am miserable. Yeah, "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick." Its making me sick. I have never felt so lonely in my life. I feel like I dont belong. Its gona take time to adjust. No, I am not crying over going back home. I chose this and I am not backing off. But this is a BIG transition in ma life. I am ok. I will be fine.

I will not not be fine :) Its gona be alright! :)

In LUMS and lovin it!

I am lonely. I am confused. But I have the hope that things are going to be fine! I love this place. The pond, the ducks, the green grass. The hostel too. But room's messy but gotta clean up! I love being here. Its scary being on yr own but it feels good. I do feel insecure. And here, there's this strong need to embrace who u are!!!

Will get back soon!

Things I have learnt at age 19

Got this idea from Absar's blog! :) It seemed lovely so here are my learnt lessons about life...

• I am straight.;)
• I am caring and love to be cared for.
• I have the ability to get up and start anew.
• I can fight and lose or win but I can fight.
• Sometimes the real source to acquire your peace is the power to do something about it.
• Friends matter - a lot. You are bound with family most of the time but its chosen for you. You choose your friends. Fate brings u together but you choose for them to stay.
• If someone is important to you, show them in every way possible.
• Giving a part of yourself can either be the most wonderful, fulfilling experience or the most disgusting, horrifying experience you may have to face. Learn the difference, learn the worth.
• You are worthy. Coz u r living in this moment. What makes it special is your choice to live it. Khalil Gibran passed away. He's gone. No matter how wonderful his writing is, he's not coming back. Hence, find your passions, love your life. Dont let anyone else's writings or works control you for too long.
• If u don't hurt people, life won't give you unsurpassable wounds.
• Making someone feel special(when you mean it) is the most beautiful thing in the world. Its the greatest feeling :)
• If you pick a fallen crumb from a floor, it wont necesarily be what you thought it to be!
• Be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself.
• Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made but always try to fix them.
• If, in a relationship, you receive more negitive or indifferent behaviour than positive, loving behaviour, its not worth being emotionally attached to.

What have u learnt??

Its all coming to me

Why is it all coming back to me? The memories of last year and my struggles. Maybe it signifies closure. which is good.
U know whats the most soothing thing when u wanna get away from everyone and just be yrself when u r really down? sitting on the cool tile floor. I have spent so many minutes lying down on the tile floor, crying so many tears, staring at the ceiling. Its soothing as far as channeling out yr feelings is concerned. But that was months back. Why am i feeling this way now? Closure. It has to be.

I am awfully proud of this!:)

Who is she?
She walks like the night,
Calm and placid like the ocean blue.
But who's she?
I wonder,
If it's important!
She's every person
I've ever come across
She is every man.

She sums up all there is in eternity
And loves with her own heart-and in her own way.
Hate she knows not
Only rage dwells in her heart.
But what are these rare days of serenity?
That manifest in her own self!
Is she two people?
Or just one?
Is she too much?
Or just enough?
Is she loving?
Or lovingly inhumane!
Is she real?
or really a fancy?
What is she?
Where does she come from?
Is she that certain feeling?
Or is she it all?
What makes or breaks her?
WHat are her dreams?
What's so divine that calms her so?
Yet enrages all the same?
Why 2 reactions to the same feeling?
What is she?
That miracle lady?

She is herself,
All alone.
Struggling
Loving and hating all the same.
The calmness that you see is her peace with herself
The pain poses her rage.
In actions imposed
And words revealed.
Feelings manifested,
largely crumpled.
She is but one 'man'
And that is me.

-Naureen

The future

I commented n absar's blog.. abt the future. I think this can even be posted here. It means so much to me coz it compliments my dream!

Hey! A late comment but believe me, i feel i have something worthy to share.I have come to believe that God shows us glimpses of the future. U might see this movie scene, that sort of can be an extension of who u r, or is related to u. A common experience, common dressing, common ambitions. So many things :) I think there are some things u desire. U know for the future. But u see certain things around, in friends, family, media that u find related or fascinating and at times it resembles a part of yr future :)

I just discovered that I cant live without love. It thrives me. And not the fake, I love but cant really help u(read I am too damn selfish) but the i will do anything i can, will help u help yrself sort. Its soothing, it heals. Love is a wonderful feeling! And making compromises in the later is SO worthy. It feels good. it strengthens the bond and makes a relationship lighter. :) U know i read this quote, " dealing with conflicts together strengthens a relationship!" (something like that!) its soo wiseee!
My fav word used to be 'nice' but i think I like 'cute' more now. It sounds cuter!
I asked one of my cuzins to put aside this yellow dress for me! I love yellow!!!! dresses mein yellow looks cute. esp on gals. I think guys look kinda goofy-cute in yellow! not goofy-goofy, goofy-cute!
I am glad i got ma ears pierced (like 3 years bac) i love wearing my earings. Though, my ears hurt now!
Been sleeping loads! :D dun wana be tired!!!:p

Shopping, shopping and more shopping!

I went shopping yesterday! Yeah!! Handbags, purses, jewellery(again!), T-shirts! All I need are shoes now! Yeah! There are gona be so many bags... Good to fill up my stationery and stuff!
7 days until I leave! Am really excited! I cant stop thinking abt my handbags! :) I have this thing for blue things! I haev like 3 blue bags already and (they are of different shades though!) I got another one yesterday! But its SO CUTE!! It looks elegant!
Its light blue with this shiny thing on one side! (I dunno how to describe it!) Yeah i even got blue jewellery!
And I got this black bag.... not too big, not to small! Thats why they call it bags I guess. (Otherwise it wud have been BIG bag!) :D! Man theres so much to do! Not that i really mind! But i still got this sore throat thingy. Am kinda sleepy!

How to make a me!

How to make a Naureen

Ingredients: 1 part mercy 3 parts ambition 3 parts ego

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Serve with a slice of emotion and a pinch of salt. Yum!

Username:http://www.go-quiz.com/cocktail/cocktail.php">Username:%20name="uname">

oyeee!

logoon! where are yr comments? Absar especially! where are yr comments for my blogs - latest ones!? !

It rained!

Yeah !!! kinda more of a drizzle and less of a rain but it rained :) Someone told me its her b day she was damn happy!
I hae been up all nite! kinda tired!
11 days until i leave. Theres a lot to do which is good. I hate sitting falto!
Found out two more ppl from my area who got admitted in ma batch! cool! Yeah wont be alone i guess :) I will make new friends too.
i am sleepy!
Hmm we are gona be assigned a facutly advisor! Hope mine is cute! ;) yeah they gona be old I guess but no problem!LUMS is a uni with young students ! so that balances!;)

I had a good day today ALHAMDULILAH :)
I am glad to be me!
YAY!
I love music too!

...

Nothing but pennies
In my pocket
Nothing but faith to
Keep me warm
Well baby,I'd be broke without it
Tell me, how muchFor your love?
Slip my heart inYour back pocket
All that I got toKeep me warm
So babyDon't leave me here without it
Tell me how muchFor your love?

-"In My Pocket",Mandy Moore

Still sore throat a bit gota study functions (maths) and wana watch friends!

registered for the courses today! pre-Calculus, Intro to Computing, Principles of Eco :D

What else? I am thankful hat i renewed my credit! Love to bug friends :)

At times the things u truly want, u get them :)

Gotta Open up

I got a sore throat. Its really hurting now. When I gulp aur waisay bhi it hurts a bit... Hmm gota treat it!
15 days left until i leave. I sometimes cant believe I am leaving. I was up most of the night last night thinking abt the familarity of this place. No, i am not some i-cant-live-without-my-home person but the reality of it hit me yesterday. I am not scared, I am a bit confused. But then, i love nights and wud love to have someone to talk to all night! someone i find interesting! yeah i can do that on holidays there, itni sari larkiyan hongi and yr interests bring u together! Its gona be fun :D
feels weird but believe me, i wudnt have it any other way. :) I am gona work on things and manage them.
I am getting the opportunity to educate myself, really educate myself... i am gona INSHALLAH make the best of it. :)

No one missed me!

I signed in like after a week... and no real messages! :P My computer kinda crashed and phone bhi kharab hogaya! no one missed my blogs? :P

Have a cup of tea by my side. Found my 2 favourite rings... had misplaced them 2 months or so bac :D Mom ound them... am wearing them! I love being silly at home. Played wid my stuffed bunny yesterday. threw and caught him! Its fun

I feel lighter today. I decided to let go :)
Life feels wonderful. I feel. I feel i am walking between eternity.. am content wid the past and soothed by the future. the present is divine. I love it. Morning ... walking into the sky or so it feels!:)

I cant

I cant go on pretending everythings fine
I cant really stop thinking abt it
I am sick of thinking abt it all the time
I KNOW things are gonna get better
Maybe its that pain.. that dry itchy pain which prevails when the wound's abt to close.
I think so.

I gota collect myself.
Maintain my calm
Its ok to freak out sometimes
But i gota take care of myself and of ppl i care for the most,
who have, somehow, hurt me the most.

I still need them, in one way or the other. Thats the irony.
One way or the other, its good. Or else, its gonna be extremely lonely.

In real, I cant wait for the silver lining to unfold.
Allah must have some grand work there. Some glory.
I know. I can feel it :)
Now thats teh good part.

Its ok, its almost over.
Almost over...
Another start then.. lets see... :) I am excited.
Its my time to sit back, relax and trust Him.

I know... think

I know YoU mEan No HaRm ProBably...

But ThrOugh ThE cOurSe Of LiFe, I;Ve stoppEd TrusTing U.

cOz yOu BrOKe My HeaRt.

YOu cant JuSt pLaY AlOnG pReTenDing NoThinG 'Big' HaPpeNeD.

coZ iT Did.

It's OveR. I wOnt LeT u rIp mY HeaRt aGain.

SoRry ! (more of a sarcastic sorry then a felt one!)

P.s. : Never ignore yr FeeLinGs

heyyyy!

Wassup??
Me? better. ALHAMDULILAH :)
I love Friends!!! the real ones and the show too!!
Esp where Joey makes those peanut butter fingers! and the way Pheobe acts when she loses the lottery tickets!
Hmm been preparing to leave. 26 days left. Then i'll leave. Cant believe its happening. Its like ending on an Era... almost childhood probably. Teenage years ... no i dunt feel old... the older i get, the happier I am because it makes me more aware of my existence. And I love to celebrate it. I mean I cant believe I am leaving. My favourite picture, my home, my money plant Bugsy! Whos gonna remember to water it! Maybe I shud take a part of it with me.. Hmm probably not! I think I still want a goldfish! I like caring for them! The plant's beautiful!!

Basically, been crazy abt having everything... I have prepared a 2 page list of things I am gonna need... and been studying ad math.
I am excited. It feels weird. I mean I am leaving .. I am glad its just that... u know this is the leap... a big leap through which i cross two BIG mountains.. small ones arent my choice... had something BIG in a way before... so I decided to do somethin BIG ahead in a different way.
I am basically doing it coz I am important to myself. My happiness IS important to me. I know its important to others too but I gota love myself. Makes me happy. Helps me care for others better. I lov sharin my happiness. Sometimes I choke out my sorrows too .. gives me more reasons to connect with friends more beforehand... b4 things get so bad that even talking abt it is hard. I love the people who support me
I care for those who care for me. I adore them!

This ..

This sadness...
is weird.

This sadness...
is scary.

This sadness...
is deep

Yet this sadness...
makes all my joys worthy.

I may not perfectly see it now God, I do have faith in You.
I do believe we (You and me) can create some grandeur out of all this.
I do believe that there's happiness waiting to be embaced at the end of the tunnel.
So, Thank You.

Love,
Naureen.

Hiya!

Hiya people :D
How u doin;)
Me? been studying ad math :D Application of Integration! Yeah !
I got my hair trimmed yesterday! It looks better :D I dun think i want it straightened though. It is wavy but then no straight? looks weird on some ppl! plus using chemicals on yr hair. :S hmm i dun think i want that!!
oh who cares! Gotta pace up the uni going preps soon!
ALHAMDULILAH joined the community orkut ki... LUMS 2009 ahem! really excited! :)
Hmm what else??!! its was a good day yesterday and today started off well too ALHAMDULILAH :)

The Darkness..

We can only appreciate the dark when we have waited in the darkness.

They say that darkness and light are two faces of the same coin. They say that light is what prevails, what's right and what rules. They say enlightenment is divine.

I say darkness is.

I have been in darkness. It's a shadow that's been cast over me. Darkness, depression, detest. But its not really me. Darkness has given me the ability to see beyond. To search, to look around for the light. Is the source divine or is the destiny?

I, Naureen Keswani, have the ability to rise above it. To fly so high that my sorrows cannot follow me. I dwell. I exist. But I love.

I love myself. I love my circle of friends who support me. I love the gifts I receive. I love life to be exact.

I, Naureen Keswani, am not the dark which takes over me... I am influenced by it. But this in no way, in no particular, certain way defines who I am.

Being in the darkness has been good. It has given me the ability to separate darkness from the dark. Whats already dark is dark and it influences. But yr being in darkness in no way affirms that you are the dark one.

You say that light is all there is in the end. True.

But you see, I through the process of life, have developed the ability to seperate the characterstic of the 'Lit'. The now lit can have been the then in darkness. Hence, a past cannot really define a person's future.

His actions do.

And I plan to make mine glorious.

Love,
Naureen Keswani.

The Night Match!

I haev so much to post.

First of all I am jealous!:p
Raheel told me all abt that night match! Mujhe bhi raat ko khelna hai! It must be fun being out wid friends all night, playing and all! I love those gatherings!!! Have I had any? Well i do remember this one nite in 1996.. family picnic tha... it was loadsa fun. All us cousins were up all night, talking, joking, playing, laughing!
There's somthing really divine abt nights i tell u!
Yeah! I wanna be up wid my friends all night in uni and tease them and play with them and have fun!!!! LOL! Maybe i cud arrange some sorta match too! I dun really know how to play cricket! ( I think i dun like cricket!) badminton perhaps!! :D
Absars online journal aint opening! wassup Absar?! i wanna have that "I am" thing on my blog too! I lov it! have been thinking abt what i shud write in that!
Khair upto now! I am enjoying mornings! I LOVE mornings! They are so beautiful!

I have

I have learnt that past sorrows do make foundations for future bliss.
=0)

Back!

AAAchoooooooooo!
Have flu!!
(Hey that rhymed!) Its 8:35 am... beautiful morning, MASHALLAH se gorgeous person (me!) , friends dvd! Wow!!
and i feel good that i just finished my homework :D yeah ad math ka.. definite integration to be exact. Mind u, i didnt finish the whole thing i wanna do today but a part of it.!!
I feel like flying. I am happy
Thank U God!!!
Hey all of u who are reading this, in whatever form u can, share my smile =o)

Quote of the Day..

I came across this beautiful, beautiful thing yesterday,

"Ships at the port are safe BUT this is not what ships are made for."

The Future

"You can analyze the past, but u have got to design the future."
Edward De Bono.

I feel...

I feel.. strange. I feel like a stranger. I cant believe things are the way they are. I look into certain people's faces and wonder if its really them. How could all this be happening. I feel I don't belong. I cant believe its them. I just cant.
I know I gota accept it but the pain is.. weird.

Wayyy... :P

lifeee....is .. ajeeb!!
I dwell!!! :p
been busy wid ad math and feeling ajeeb :p
Bhauuuu :p I am boreddd!!! i gota get out :p i do!!
I do got out why then this bechaini>> No i am not in love :P sochna bhi matt :P
cuzin's wedding.. 4 todays chalay gi!! starts today!!INSHALLAH the dholki wil be fun.
What? What? What?
lets see ...
confused na? I KNOW!!!
Maybe its the headache i have right now!

The Feather

There dwelt a feather
In a mysterious land
It was the softest of its kind
It's colours grand
It moved hither and thither
Not sure what was
It somehow got more colorful
In its own confusion.

Then one day,
The feather landed
on a piece of glass.
A magic glass.
In light, the glass shone
But in its absence was its darkness reveled.
Ugly colours of dark puple, black and red and green
All combined
So ugly was it really,
that it emitted ugly invisble dunes....
Dunes of pain and lustful use
Dunes of mental and physical abuse.

It made the feather jittery,
Up and down it went,
It SHivered within,
But could do nothing.
It screamed with pain
Cried with hurt
Yet its observors
thought the feather was at fault
Screaming, shoutin, robbing their peace
What they didnt catch
Were cries disguised in rage
Pain covered in screams....
Yet the feather remained beautiful.

This one time,
A hard wind blew.
It took the feather away
To its distant land,
The only remains of what had happened
Were ugle walls of the room,
And pieces of glass,
Perished in their own abuse.

I need.

I need love
I do I do I just do. I have to create my own circle of sanity.
I just have to.
I'm gona.

wow

Why did i type (almost!) underworld instead of naureenkeswani today??? !!!
I wonder!
Went to the dentist! I got cavaties. almost a month and a half left. Am in karachi then... Lahore. LUMS. new journey. a lot of dreams. ALHAMDULILAH loads of potential. lot of dealing. lot of hardwork and lot of value!
and..
my new joggers! :D

An Update

Just tried to shift the computer table... I hate sitting on the bed instead of the chairrr!! Yeah space nahi thii!! Hmm I played badminton today. The cock got stuck in the tree so decided to use scotch tape in its place. It bounced well but cudnt focus. It moves too fast. Aim nahi lagta sahi. Practise needed. I even got a rubber ball to play wid. Inspite of these pecularities, we enjoyed it. Man I love mornings :)

An update

I dun really like it here. My computer moved!! into my bros room. This room IS cooler but still.. the last room had more privacy!!! yeah i cud tap away all night. Khair, all's well. I got bored outa net anyways. But still these updates are lovely. Everytime I do something or feel something... I think abt how I wud mention it in ma blog!!
:)
I need to c a dentistt! cavities. gota get Sophie's World. Need ot read it. Want my own copy!!

Hie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALHAMDULILAH i got admission in LUMS :) I am so happy I feel speechless and crazy all at the same time!!

Friends are the best!

ALHAMDULILAH , thank God ....Friends are the best!! They just are:)
"Friendship is a golden chain
If u break it,
U will always be in pain."

Hmm

I am good! wassup with u??

Funny Thing!

I watered the money plant around 6 :30 am! And then... the newspaper guy left the newspapers nearby!!! Soaked news! :) Yeah. I worked on spreading them out under the fan to dry them!! finally dried almost! But still look funny! Wonder what dad's gona say!!
Memorable Morning! =0)

Perspective

Hmm. Let's get my problems in perspective.

The IBA test. Its been bugging me. I am eager for LUMS result but I gotta be logical. Yeah THE test. To be very honest, I dun really wanna do BBA. Then why the rush? Glory huh? Also not having many other choices but honestly, BBA aint MY passion. It might be someone else's its not minee! I wanna do Bachelors in Econ!! That I gota focus on? Yes I will prepare for IBA's test... but I am NOT freaking out. I wont change my passion for glory, I just wont!

I Wanna Live

I command..
I command the forces of nature
To rip the stiches off my soul
And fill me with themselves
Teach me, caress me
Make me stronger
So far I wanna go
Where no one has ever reached
My sky has no end
Let my flight be limitlessly strong

I wanna...
I wanna live
I wanna feel myself
I wanna feel Life itself
Enough of looking back
Help me bounce higher
I wanna go so high
Above the sky
Where my sorrows are not strong enough to fly with me
I wanna reach that place
I wanna feel it
I wanna live, God,
I wana live.

More

1. It hurts me to hurt my loved ones even when they are wrong.
2. When I hate, I really really hate. Same goes for love.
3. I like reading.
4. I have spent a lot of my days lying down, staring at the ceiling, imagining I was in a different place.
5. I am a writer.
6. Survival means something to me, so does pain.
7. I like being happy.
8. I like working and thinking.
9. I dont really like beaches. I think they are gloomy.
10. I love the colour baby blue.
11. I like yellow clothes. I think yellow makes me look pretty.=o)
12. I imagine giving good things to my friends on their birthdays and any other time. Whatever I feel wud make them happy.
13. I can get scared easily.
14. I dont really like men.
15. I think the knowledge of Him is a gift God has granted us with.
16. I think tasbihs are soothing. They are sooo soothing.
17. I like being told that I am special.
18. I dont believe things easily sometimes. I can be REALLY stubborn.
19. I love gifts.
20. I like ice cream.
21. I like making people laugh(not on me!!).
22. I like Friends the tv show.
23. I wanna learn to drive.
24. I think polar bears must be really fluffy to touch but I dun wanna find out. (They are wild!)
25. I like fish - eating ke liye.
26. INSHALLAH WHen I get a goldfish, I am gona name him Bozo:)
27. I dun like being aimless. I like being focused.
28. I have learnt that your greatest duty is to yr ownself. Your well-being is somehow yr responsibility.

Weird Things About Me

1. Sometimes when I have been really angry, I have cried.
2. I hate defeat.
3. I dont like weakness
4. I love sunrise.
5. When I get depressed, I eat.
6. I have an overeating problem.
7. I like universities.
8. I like smiles too.
9. My friends mean the world to me. My family does too.
10. If someone I care for hurts me real bad, I get numb.
11. I dont like being used.
12. I havent smoked ever.
13. I think babies are the cutest thing.
14. I think a baby's laugh is the most beautiful sound in the world.
15. I like poetry and philosophy.
16. I love quotes.
17. I adore my friends and wanna be there for them whenever I can.
18. If my friends get hurt, at times I feel their pain too.
19. I tried to kill myself once... decided to slash my wrists. Couldn't. I ended up putting cuts on both of my hands and no one even noticed. I also slashed pages of my personal diary that time and those cuts are still there.
20. As far as I can recall, I have tried to kill myself twice overall .
21. I have had near death experiences.
22. I like orange juice.
23. I like winning.
24. I like romance novels too.
25. I think marriages may be made in Heaven but they go through hell.
26. I like kittens.
27. I like dolphins.
28. I think donkeys are cute to look at.
29. I like the way penguins walk.

Quote

"Open the windows of your heart and life to another. Make it a goal to do an unselfish deed today, and trust God to reward you in return."

Happiness

I have learnt that if u struggle to be happy, someway, somehow u r bestowed with doses of it - high doses of it. :)

Thank You God!!

I came across this yesterday. I wrote this two and a half years back....

"This journey isn't going to be an easy one for the road is long and filled with awful memories but all I am there to do is re-strengthen the steel of my beliefs, shaped by immense heat of difficulties. As I go along my present journey, I shall encounter things that remind me of my past... but it's for the better.".

"Stronger than yesterday
I wanna lead the right way
Chasing all my fears away
Hearing everyone say
I am stronger everyday."

Wow. The power of writing. I could almost feel my strength being renewed. Rejuvenated. Writing is Divine. So is feeling.

Why does my hand hurt? WHy do I feel this sudden urge to feel love? No, not lustful love I mean pure love. I just re-read the past emails I received. I needed to be told I am precious and that I matter. Whats wrong? Why do I feel kinda cut off? WHy do I want my friends to adore me? Am I not loved enugh? Kya hogaya hai mujhe?? I was watching "FInding Neverland." and i had to write this. Suddenly. I paused the movie! Yeah theres something wrong. Whats wrong? Maybe its coz I dun have enugh things to do. Maybe I have had a joy death? Or maybe a leave for that matter! No I dun think so. That cant be. God would never let me down like that! I am sleepyI am just gonna go rest!

...

Dont dream; its over.

Hey

I went to ma high school the other day. Met a few of ma teachers was fun!! and why dunt I feel like blogging:S I dunno!

Listen for love

Below are words that I adore. They soothe and comfort me.
!


There are times when we are timid and shy about expressing the love we feel. For fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves, we hesitate to say the actual words 'I Love You'.So we try to communicate the idea in other words. We say take care or don’t drive too fast or be good.
But really, these are just other ways of saying I love you. You are important to me. We are sometimes very strange people. The only thing we want to say, and the one thing that we should say, is the one thing we don’t say. And yet because the feeling is so real, and the need to say it is so strong, we are driven to use other words and the meaning never gets communicated at all so the other person is left feeling unloved and unwanted.
Therefore, we have to listen for love in the words that people are saying to us. Sometimes the explicit words are necessary, but more often, the manner of saying things is even more important. A joyous insult carries more affection and love within the sentiments which are expressed insincerely. An impulsive hug says 'I love you'even though the words might be saying very different.
The problem is listening for love is that we don’t always understand the language of love which the other person is using. A girl may use tears or emotions to say what she wants to say, and her boyfriend may not understand her because he expects her to be talking his language.
We have to listen for love in those around us. If we listen intently we will discover that we are a lot more loved than we realise.
Listen for love and you will find that the world is a very loving place!

Field-dispensary of the soul.— What is the strongest remedy?— Victory.

The Dawn by Nietzsche

The morality of voluntary suffering.— What is the supreme enjoyment for men who live in the state of war of those small, continually endangered communities which are characterized by the strictest mores? In other words, for vigorous, vindictive, vicious, suspicious souls who are prepared for what is most terrible and hardened by deprivations and mores? The enjoyment of cruelty; and in these circumstances it is even accounted among the virtues of such a soul if it is inventive and insatiable in cruelty. The community feels refreshed by cruel deeds, and casts off for once the gloom of continual anxiety and caution. Cruelty belongs to the most ancient festive joys of mankind. Hence one supposes that the gods, too, feel refreshed and festive when one offers them the sight of cruelty; and so the idea creeps into the world that voluntary suffering, torture one has chosen oneself, has value and makes good sense.

Gradually, the mores shape a communal practice in accordance with this idea: all extravagant well-being henceforth arouses some mistrust, and all hard and painful states more and more confidence. One supposes that the gods might look upon us ungraciously because of our happiness, and graciously because of our suffering—not by any means with pity. For pity is considered contemptible and unworthy of a strong and terrible soul. Rather, graciously, because it delights them and puts them into good spirits; for those who are cruel enjoy the supreme titillation of the feeling of power.

Thus the concept of the "most moral man" of the community comes to contain the virtue of frequent suffering, deprivation, a hard way of life, and of cruel self-mortification—not, to say this again and again, as a means of self-discipline, self-control, and the desire for individual happiness, but as a virtue that makes the community look good to the evil gods, steaming up to them like a continual sacrifice of atonement upon some altar. All those spiritual leaders of peoples who succeeded in stirring something in the inert but fertile mud of their mores, had need not only of madness but also of voluntary torture to engender faith—and most and first of all, as always, their faith in themselves. The more their own spirit moved along novel paths and was therefore tormented by pangs of conscience and anxieties, the more cruelly they raged against their own flesh, their own desires, and their own health—as if they wanted to offer the deity some substitute gratification in case it should perhaps be embittered on account of customs one had neglected and fought against and new goals one had championed.
Let us not believe too quickly that now we have rid ourselves completely of such a logic of feeling. Let the most heroic souls question themselves about this. Every smallest step on the field of free thought and the individually formed life has always been fought for with spiritual and physical torments: not only moving forward, no, above all moving, motion, change have required innumerable martyrs, all through the long path-seeking and basic millennia of which, to be sure, people don't think when they talk, as usual, about "world history," that ridiculously small segment of human existence. And even in this so-called world history, which is at bottom much ado about the latest news, there is no really more important theme than the primordial tragedy of the martyrs who wanted to move the swamps.

Nothing has been bought more dearly than that little bit of human reason and of a feeling of freedom that now constitutes our pride. But it is this very pride that now makes it almost impossible for us to feel with those vast spans of time characterized by the "morality of mores" which antedate "world history" as the real and decisive main history that determined the character of humanity—when suffering was a virtue, cruelty a virtue, dissimulation a virtue, revenge a virtue, the slander of reason a virtue, while well-being was a danger, the craving for knowledge a danger, peace a danger, pity a danger, being pitied ignominy, work ignominy, madness divine, change immoral and pregnant with disaster.

You think that all this has changed, and that humanity must thus have changed its character? You who think you know men, learn to know yourselves better!

The Dawn

Everything has its day.— When man gave all things a sex he thought, not that he was playing, but that he had gained a profound insight:—it was only very late that he confessed to himself what an enormous error this was, and perhaps even now he has not confessed it completely.— In the same way man has ascribed to all that exists a connection with morality and laid an ethical significance on the world's back. One day this will have as much value, and no more, as the belief in the masculinity or femininity of the sun has today.
The Dawn
Thoughts on the Prejudices of morality.
by Nietzsche

http://www.publicappeal.org/library/nietzsche/Nietzsche_the_dawn_or_daybreak/the_dawn.htm

Why?

Why does dosa taste so not yummy? :S

=

Stop bruising my soul. Just stop it!

Yay!

Finally got ma haircut! And I dont think I wanna get ma hair straightened anymore !!!!
Yeah started studying vocabulary. Its gonna help me in ma aptitude test plus help me build an 'educated' vocabulary :)
Yeah I like having something to do! Morning walks are frequent ALHAMDULILAH. I enjoy the 45 minutes with myself and the beauty of life.
Life's good. Thank You Allah :)

Quotes...

"Problems are only opportunities in work clothes."

"To win, the first thing you have to do is not lose."

(not lose it?

"Life is a grindstone- it either grinds you down or polishes you up."

"A good idea in the hands of the right person is the most powerful tool ever discovered."

Ahem!

I need a haircut!!! I just do!!! and absar... i wont get ma hair straightened... gonna see first what the hair straightening has done to u ;)

Chocolate Cake

I want a chocolate cake... a chocolate fudge cake! YUM yeah thats MY 1:45 am cravingg! YUMMM!! I'd bake a cake but the last 3 cakes i baked were total disasters! They cudnt even be chewed! YEAH! tasted like rubber! Without those Betty Crocker Cake batter... I havent done well!! :P Dosent matter thats what bakeries are for!

Food for thought

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the World.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us;
it is in everyone.
As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson
From A Return to Love.

...

Some days are like diamonds,
Some days are like stones,
I feel like I have lost my diamonds
Even though I know they are out there,
to hold on to.
Its so hard, letting go.
:)

It came again

It almost got me last night. The dolefullness. The despair. I almost gave in. It came to a point where I was confused. I was crying and coughing at the same time. Didnt know whether to wipe my tears or soothe my coughing. Then, I gave in. I thought last night, that the sleep that I was going to experience would be same as many before. Going to bed, sobbing my heart out and waking up the next day with my eyes swollen. Telling everybody its a cold or an allergy.. when in reality it never was! I fooled so many of my friends like that before. But this despair has been following me on and off for the past few years. And then, I changed.

It was the same almost last night. Listening to music, thinking about things that have shaped so much. And suddenly, I couldnt stop the flow that my heart, my pained heart had engendered. Mom almost caught me crying. Thank God the cough was there so I pretended it was a cold. Then, I lay down. I didnt take those nose drops that mom asked me to. I just wanted to be alone with my despair. Let it attack me - again. And then, it stopped. Good thing I had my tasbi (prayer beads) with me. I just clutched them and felt the power. And then, it stopped. Had a somewhat peaceful sleep. This morning is different. No unusally swollen eyes. No moroseness that's extreme. I feel like I am powerful. I am flowing. Its like there's this aura of serenity around me. It's soo soothing. I am glad last night was different. I am SO tired of those nights when I cry myself to sleep and wake up, feeling so pained that even numbness hurts. I am glad it was different. Thank You God :)

A Human Being

"Depressed I believe we all are,we use our surroundings to make ourselves happy."
So said Ahad once.
I wonder if that's what a human being is.
Bold in war,
Beaten within,
Closed doors
That numbness still!
I wonder if that's a human being.
You know I like ice cream!
Coz' it freezes a moment within
It pauses a moment within and pacifies me.
Reaches down, from Up above
A blessing,
This ice cream.
I don't feel anything else when I am bestowed with it.
I am not an addict.
Or am I?
Let's analyze...

Rebuilding myself,
Brick by brick,
Thought by thought,
I am unbuilding a mystrey
And creating eternity
With this thread I called divine!
Its not a web, mind you
I am free to move always,
Always am I free to move.
It's a thread I weave on myself.
You see I have to.
This unthreaded me has suffered enough.
I need protection.
But I refuse a cocoon.
So God sent me a thread.
It's bright and blue,
It's an antidote of the apparent venom that seems to surround me,
Suspended in midair to attack me.
It HAS worked before.
But you see I was numb then
Or lost without ice cream!
But then God showed me the antidote.
I love the hugs that God sent me.
Dear God, can I return the pain and
keep the gift?
Did you actually send that pain?
Did it hurt you too?
If yes, then why did you do it?
If no, will it stop hurting me too?


You see my friends are my ice cream
They are blue, yellow, pink and purple
With polka dotted stuff.
Do You hate me God?
You know I don't think so!
Coz' you listen to me when I am pained,
You answer my prayers.
I thank You and I love You!
But what do I do wiith the pain?
You know the antidote is good.
The antidote is my friends you see
Even though I appear to be fit and fast
We've broken the lock
We've come put of the moulds
The past monsters are gone
We have ourselves to deal with now,
Oh what a relief!
We can rebuild ourselves
Get stronger, be peaceful
And defend when attacked
But spread Love and Peace otherwise
That's the antidote.
Thats my antidote and I think it's yours too?


See that's a human being
Binded by a thread to others.
My actions affect you
and vice versa.
If I perform nice, soothing deeds,
Your pain's gonna be relieved
Don't cry my friend
We are all in this together
Surely, God drowned us to cleanse us
Now I don't need air always
God sent me gils, to breathe with.
I am o.k. in water.
I don't drown now,
I change.
See? It works.
Out of a zillion things that you think have destroyed you
We have 23 zillion things that are glorious.
They work for us!
And just imagin
What's gonna happen
When we spread these 83 zillion things
Of courage, happiness, LOVE and peace
and they multiply!

Angelic 2

U know it was mentioned to me yesterday.. that happiness is within. You have got to let go of external things. What am I missing? What do I not have enough of and where can I find it?
Its just that I have so many dreams , and so many frustuations! I wanna let go of the frustuations and make my dreams come true... maybe THATS the way! frustuations pave way for dreams acquired... dreams coming true!
But u shud know when to let go. I mean u know too much frustuations are like an eclipse.. they cover yr dreams and the happiness they bring! How much is to be searched within? What is to be picked elsewhere? I think its the pursuit of things... I mean the process of struggle... The achieving comes later and boy it matters! But at times we run for things we dont get , then ccry over it! My personal experience has taught me that and what else i learnt was I got comparitively and individually(uncomparitively) better things, great things! that showed me the worth of struggle. Maybe life aint that bad... Maybe certain experiences come together... some people are hurt and sad... and frustuated and eventually that frustutaion affects us... I wonder if God interepts there... u know He's given all of us the power of free will... the power to choose what we want! I am not even gona mention correct or incorrect coz all that's relative! But I DO believe He gives us better things... My personal experience tells me that. My observation tells me that. Nature tells me that! There are things that dont seem to have an answer but maybe thats why it IS to be found.. and its graduall... the learning and finding.. the struggle can NEVER wait.. results do only to ripe at the good time...
I have had things that i felt i shud have received before but now i realize i wudnt have been able to handle them before. DOwn in it lies the desire for more... (LUMS! to be exact :) INSHALLAH! :) and thankfulness.... I am grateful to God for all that I have received.. I really cant depend totally on external outcomes.. maybe its high time we stop ourselvees... the within us to get totally influenced by the without us(the external world) or maybe its not.
COme think of it, we are somehow linked to each other. Each other's happiness and each other's sorrows and love too... I am so dependent on others for their love and appreciation, their patience and trust.. its amusing!!! And i think somehow i have contributed towards someone else's feeling of being loved... of being appreciated.. of being happy and of course at times of being sad!
Had all the bad things in my life not happened.. I wudnt have come across the wonderful ppl I have come to know and admire... Maybe life is all u chose to happen to u... by yr behaviour towards it!

Hiee!

hie!

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies with in us." -Ralph Waldo Emerson
What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

Hmm weird day today.. it was good overall! Aww my friends are speciaalL!! they aree!! :) my cool friends!! all of them! (hey that rhymed!!)
Boy i feel kinda sick.. feel ajeeb! but at least i have something to do LOL!! :) yeah yeah its all up to me! I am being lazy! but i think its ok! i need to relax :P Phir tu ragra lagna haI! (uni n all!) yeah but i think its gona be fun!! INSHALLAH! Ah my uni dreams!! :)
Hmm what else? been sick since 2 or 3 days am feeling better today! WHat I have noticed is i like being busy somehow! yeahh! and i love to laugh!!! :) thats why i keep watching, "Friends!" What else? Just feel kinda weak! yeah but am gona use it as an impetus to help me spring up! I mean bounce back!! Into a more active world! Got those ad maths classes in mind.. but gotta have some sports too...
No one i mean not many times do ppl wanna play wid me! :p so i created my own games.. one of them includes Squash! yeah with a table tennis bat n ball (ping pong!) against the door! yeah! am not using tennis ball and that racket! The first thing these equipments hit at is my nose!!! and mouth!! my lip is already bruised! :p it was from the dryness! yeah my lower lip kinda split once when I was on vacation hahaha! yeah and the bleeding!but that was long time back! now its a bit bruised somehow and hurts a bit!! i dun wana make it a target of a tennis ball!
and BLAH :p what else? I wonder! hmm gona have some juice now my eyes burn a little and yes I am gonna mention the pain that i feel when i am sick! I love it! but u know whats more important? cheering up? I think its times liek these when u realize what u wanna do when u get better! I mean i was thinking abt joining these swimming classes.. was confused then i got sick and realized i wanna join!!! conveyance panga but i think tha can be worked out INSHALLAH! its nice to decide what u want!!
And yeah i like learning vocab but get bored sometimes... made so many flashcards but they r put inside ma cupboard! gota get them out!! yeah study a little! will see will see!

Intrinsic

I attended this lecture the other day.. the topic was "Self-development throught the process of change". It was well-conducted. Makes me think. Have u ever thought how thinking affects us? Well.. theres this concept of 'hado' the intrinsic changes of water... through the power of thought. Experiments on water were carried out.. by exposing different samples to different words... the water samples were put in tubes.. with words written and stuck on them.. words like 'Thank You", "Peace", "Love", "You Fool". The water was then frozen i think... and its crystals were later on observed... The water samples changed in atomic terms!
Water constitutes 70% or above of our body... imagine what we do to ourselves with negitive thinking.. waiting for others to change ! I mean woww!
Now I make it a point to think good thoughts and it works... every time I start thinking abt negitive stuff.. I tend to stop myself and think of what this is doing to me!
This was exactly what I needed... Negitivty is hard... I felt so overwhelmed with feelings and emotions! I wonder if Ahad is right when he says that feeling is a flaw of man! I think negitive feeling is... Ever thought high... spirits high.. being happy for no reason! I think its God's gift. His saying, "Come feel My world!!" but then white cant exist without black!! I think negitivity is always gonna be there.. I am fine with it.. I just don't wanna dive into it!
About the blues.. I think they are needed to feel yrself. Walks definately are fun!! Yeha being with yourself.. letting your mind drift... think abt anything u want ! Anything! That's fun.. even I take walks at night and morning too sometimes! I can hear the birds chirping!! yeah I absolutely love morning walks... helps me stay sunny all day! ALHAMDULILAH :)

Hado

About anyone interested in exploring the intrinsic changes in water.. thru the power of thought ...
www.hado.net
check it out!

hmm..

"To a mere child you are a parent, to two, you are a referee!"

AMAZING!

Eye of the tiger.. by Survivor


Risin' up -- back on the street,
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance now i'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive --
So many times, it happens too fast,
You trade your passion for glory,
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past,
You must fight just to keep them alive ¨c

*it's the eye of the tiger,
It's the thrill of the fight,
Rising up to the challenge of our rival,
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night,
And he's watching us all
With the eye of the tiger.*

Face to face -- out in the heat,
Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
They stack the odds still we take to the street
For the kill, with the skill to survive --

( * repeat)

Risin' up -- straight to the top,
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now i'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive --

( * repeat)

Dreams

cant get this outa my mind- dun even want to! this is whats been goin on in ma mind lately (my mind edits stuff after listenin to songs! yeah i am that creative ;)

Dont let go of the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

Its the eye of the tiger, its the queen of the fight
RIsing up to the challenge of her rivals

Beautiful

I went to a friend's place today. It was fun. I love the easeness i have there. Its kinda like home.
I have never been 'unconfident' abt my looks. At times I have but it hasnt been very prolonged or so i remember. Its just that something abt me looking 'good' came up. I wonder how ppl measure that. I do admire good looks and all. Yeah first impression is important but i wonder if looking cute is all that matters. I dun think so. I have always believed that 'personality' makes u worthy but just for once i decide to be honest wid myself. Good looks matter, dunt they? I mean ppl give u all the crap abt 'whats really important in life' (or this cud strongly be my imagination) but i am sure thry wudnt hesitate looking at pretty little 'things'. Maybe it amuses people for a while.

Yeah or maybe i am taking it too seriously. Hm what is beauty exactly? Is it always a face turner? I wonder! Is it love for the 'object of affection'. WHat is pretty? something attractive to look it? I wonder again? If God made men and women why the discrimination> WHY is one pretty and the other one not?

I mean apart from all the jokes, what is important?

I have a recollection of this teacher of mine. SHe wasnt fair (extremely) or sexy or anything but she had elegance. SHe had organization. It seemed the very things around her are meant to compliment her elegance. Shes lovely. ANd sweet. Yeah I think beauty is that pull within a person. I truly believe that beauty lies in the eyes of the object. I mean the eyes say it all. But it doesnt really mean that ppl with red nerves in their eyes arent pretty. I think its wehn yr soul and body are at peace with themselves and dunt wish to acquire further development and harmony with themselves for the time being that u see beauty. I think its one's love for oneself and the Force that controls all.Its the belief in the miracle of life. I wont deny every aspect of breathtaking looks for i know i do fall for them myself! :) But yeah, beauty is what lasts. This isnt a make yrself feel better lesson. This is a get real lesson!

I dun think beauty will just ooze outa me but i do believe that my love for myself will show in the harmony that is of mind n soul.... and therein lies my beauty.

I am a bud. a closed flower. u'd have to be the breeze that enters in my pores and enlightens me. Otherwise, i doubt u'd find me 'beautiful'.
Boy i now love myself. ALHAMDULILAH

hiee!

Hie wassup!! :) ha ha ha!:p

Which friend are u!

Naureen, you've got a little bit of Phoebe going on!

Um, ok! You're, like Phoebe. Ok, so you may not have Phoebe's, well, special intuition or, um, musical talent. But, like everyone's favorite beautiful-blond-psychic-masseuse, you never lie and your friends are the most important thing in your life. With an utterly free spirit like yours, some people see you as flaky. But creative, perceptive-as-heck, and eerily wise is more like it. You see the good in everyone, which could make your dating life a bit, well, uneven. But you always land on your feet with your humor, kindness, (and who-knows-what-from-beyond) as your guide.

SMILE!

there SMILEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE =o)

woohoo!

At times I am glad I am wrong. Thank U God!

this stupid cold

AAAAAAAAAAAAACHOOOOOOOOOO!
yeah bad allergy , was pretty dusty here yesterday! khair read this

"Tell them dear, that if eyes were made for seeing,
Then beauty is its own excuse for being:
Why thou wert there, O rival of the rose!
I never sought to ask, I never knew:
But, in my simple ignorance suppose
The selfsame power that brought me there brought you."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson, Rhodora, The
cool na!

My Goldfish!

When I get a goldfish... I am gonna name her 'Natural' and I might get another one and am gonna call her 'Bozo' or maybe 'Bonzi Buddy' !

THE SAT EXPERIENCE

Got over with my SATs ALHAMDULILAH. I think they went great :) I mean I had been waiting two yrs for that ! Yeah. It means so much to me, education that is. Education is soothing. I mean there r times in life when u look around yrself , broken and theres this opportunity to rebuild yrself. Thats why I call myself an architect... Yup it means a lot to me. Within the process I realized that there's better education to reach out to. Yeah, I remember this time in 12th grade... I was in the library.. I saw a foreign uni prospectus... a girl smiling, standing near her uni prob and I sighed with desire wishing I cud be that too. And then there was LUMS coming along. I REALLY wanna go! INSHALLAH I will. Yeah had i had an ok SAT 2 score n been in LUMS I wud have probably felt inferior. ALHAMDULILAH tahts not the case :) Yeah I did prove myself. In truth, I dunno how I did it! WHat I do remember is that I did it by believing in myself, by realizing I was worthy. I AM worthy. Progress heals certain wounds! Wounds that probably wont heal by themselves... nothing heals by itself, does it? Yeah there are times when u r utterly confused but realize that certain ppl come inyr life, causing certain things to happen... mysteriously makes u reach towards something better in order to move away from what hurts too much. But it is in these anamolies that one becomes a pearl. But I dun think I have to tolerate everything in order to be a pearl...I might as well be a baby pearl if thats happier n better in different aspects. Love heals, dosent it? I heard a physcatrist call love "Nature's healing process":)
"GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THINGS I CANNOT CHANGE,
THE STRENGTH TO CHANGE THINGS THAT I CAN;
AND THE WISDOM TO KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!"=O)

"anD in the end life is always what we make it, always has been, always will be."

Khalil Gibran

The guy rocks!! Here's an extract from .. Sand and Foam

We are all prisoners but some of us are in cells with windows and some without.

http://www.kahlil.org/sand.html

Love

I am loved. I just realized a part of this polygonic wonder. Perhaps a side of it. No matter how much I complain what my parents r like I love being loved.... it's soo beautiful!!! It scares me to think that husbands and wives dun get along. But my mom n dad love me. That's wonderful. As far as the husband thing is concerned,(wife wont do it for me :p)I am just gonna wait n see. Why let observations define my future? Let it come. reminds me of what my teacher said once, "Zindagi ko aanay do." ( Let life come)
We'll see:)

Phew

Just saw 'A Cinderella Story' again! The movie gives me hope. Sam does go thru certain painful n not painful experiences that I can relate to... yeah gives me hope :) I really wanna go to college, get a good education. Can't wait to start studyin Add Math in a few days INSHALLAH. It makes me feel well myself:)
I know things will get better INSHALLAH.. at times like Sam says, " u just gotta stand up for yrself".

Life

I feel weird , kinda insecure. Life can be such a lonely battle sometimes. Especially if u r different. You can feel improvement around u and be thank ful too but at times the battle within hardens so many things. Phew. Yeah believing in my own self is hard but I WONT give it up, since my soul's well-being depends on it :)

You are worthy

Dear Diary,

I came across this today and found it absolutely interesting,

Do not undermine your worth by comparing yrself with others.
It is because we r different and that each of us is special.

Do not set your goals by what other people say is important.
Only you know what is best for u.

Do not take for granted the things that are closest to your heart.
Cling to them as you would for your life; for without them, life is meaningless.

DO NOT LET YOUR LIFE SLIP THROUGH YOUR FINGERS BY LIVING IN THE PAST OR FOR THE FUTURE.
BY LIVING YOUR LIFE ONE DAY AT A TIME, YOU LIVE ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE.

Do not give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying. It is a fragile thread that binds us to each other.

DO NOT!! be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.

do NOT dismiss your dreams.
To be without dreams is to be without hope; to be without hope is to be without purpose.

Do not run through life so fast that you forget not only where you have been, but also where you are going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured each step on the way.

I HAVE LEARNT THATs

I have learnt that I need to be loved.

I have learnt that giving helps. It's soothing.

I have learnt that education helps-a lot!

I have learnt that we won't hafta change friends if we understand that friends change - and treat them accordingly

I HAVE LEARNT THAT PPL SOMETIMES CRY IN CONFUSED, INVISIBLE WAYS AS THEY CAN'T NAME THIER PAINS!