Death and Love

There was this lady.. must be 40 something.. she lived in the same apartments as me. She died. I just found out. I dunno when but recently she passed away, mom didnt tell me coz i was already sick.I feel so overwhelmed, shes gone. We used to attend prayers together. Morning prayers together.. I never felt safe going alone, she always took me with her. Those were restless nights for me. Had stuff on my mind. I was basically haunted. Haunted. Those prayers were my solace. I still remember those haunted nights. SHe was so proud of me. LUMS and all ALHAMDULILAH. She was divorced, had no kids. Used to live with her mom. Her mother's still alive...

The last time she met me, she asked me to pray for her mother( her mom was sick). She was like, "You are a daughter, God will listen to you. Please pray for my mom that God restores her health." she said something like that. I did. And her mom's ok, i guess.

It must be so hard for her. Losing a daughter like that. That lady died of a heart attack. She always asked me to visit her home. She was soo active MASHALLAH. She was a teacher and was into social work too.

May God grant her peace and love. AAMEEN

I love you and will miss you always. No matter what now, u have filled these places in my life with love. and i love u for it.

This is for everyone who, at one point in time has meant something to me and has filled me with love. I love you.

Love,
Naureen

hmm....

Do u feel offended when I say life is 'fucked up'?!

:D

yeah staying out in the cold.. after posting yr blogs, sitting out in the cold and crying aint the wisest thing to do... i did have someone by my side(my friend saw me and stayed with for long and talked to me and comforted me... sardiii lag gayeee been soo sick! and now my abs hurt:D ouch!!

Ah friends make life easier but no crying or eating ice cream in a collddd seasoon!

the pain...

WHy? why do people hurt ya> why do people not care when u care bac?why am i so dissatisfied why does it hurt so much? A part of mewants to sit and cry another part of me wants to go bac to my friends roomand cry my eyes out. People hurt ya dun they, they dun really care.Why do i care so much?why, why, why?it feels pointless, its causing me so much pain.\I feel numb with pain and worry. I gota work thisits been years... ive been disappointed since childhood thru thingslike these, pain, ignorance, carelessness. WHy cant ppl for once understand how sensitive i am and take care of it?\how much shud i adjust>


i just wana go n cry but it wont get me anywhere,... its nor worth itttttttttttGodd... what do u do when it hurts, it hurts so bad... ppl u love so much hurt uthey really really do...
ugh

hieee! updates! + nature obsessed thoughts

I cant resist it.. the beauty of nature.. the weather is lovely here! and these windows in the lab let u peek into what feels like heaven... no its not the male hostel i can see , its ALHAMDULILAH the duck pond, the grass, benches and the beautiful sky! =o) I love it here...
Life is good.Looking at stars at night is just beautiful. I have a good view from my hostel room :) Friends are good. U can hang out anytime u want. :)
I got enrolled in ma Writing and Compo course.. for the rest 3 i am on the waiting list! :D ahem! lets see..

Exams going on... finals! ALHAMDULILAH 1 hogaya three more to go :)
INSHALLAH

tc! vbye bye
:)_

hie~

Life is.. good ALHMADULILAH. Its one of those phases when things are better. Subtle and a bit painful and u discover this coldness and resilience within you that helps you surpass thoughts that destruct yr peace. It is one of those phases for me. I know things arent perfect, but INSHALLAH they INSHALLAH will get better. I have faith, in the rewards and return of my struggle. I am gonna surpass it. That I know.

I have a feeling that when I reach a moment I abstractly aspire for, I will look back at this time and be proud. Feel the sweetness of the struggle that defines certain aspects of my life. That shall be good. The basic attraction now is teh future that holds love and peace. Some extension of the present. I am loved. I will be loved.

For now,INSHALLAH i can, i will.

Love,
Naureen.

P.s. : Foofu, Baray Bhaloo, ullu, dhakan and dabba, nutian, thats what i call u. But these are just variables for the wonderful person inside u... Keep smiling! new name: orange!!!

We are gona create a miracle

living. living
with my own preferences
Choices made
things chosen
consequences appeared
Is life always what it appears to be?
arent surprises around the corner?
do u believe in serendipity.
R u strong enough to account for yr own choices?
do u believe in yrself like u never waiver?
do u trust yrself really?
sometimes i dont
i dont feel worthy enough!
do u trust God and dump stuff on him?
I think i do
or do u trust Him to work with u.
I do do that :)
Coz its so worth it.
The wonder of building
The solace of struggle
The life to be lived
the song to be sung
coz its all worth it
Isnt it true that u do not know the real worth of thing until u use them
until u need them
and they give it to u
and what u do with it
arent u the architect of worth then?
U do have the power within.
You do,
yes, you do.
How do you work with it then?
do u blame yrself on missing out on stuff
coz yr norms suggest them
dont u cherish those serene, inward smile moments taht last forever..
just coz they existed once
and promise even better days to come
have u ever cried so much that u were compelled to ask the Angels to help out
coz God didnt seem to listen
That u did trust Him
but u trusted not the power within
You wanted different things
not what was given to u
but what wasnt
and have u ever achieved them?
have u seen and felt things change
through it all
the pain ... the pleasure and the pain
and then realized the things u never trusted
are the things that trust u
the things u were scared of
are the things that make u strongest
that gift u taht ounce of love
that a pound of pretense and preferences can never give.
It only works to fool yourself
but then this ounce of love makes me surpass it all
not forget it but helps u deal with it
thats the way i am feeling
I am messing up
I am making blunders
I am not fully satisfied with my body and my thoughts
but i am working towards my goals
and i am achieving them
I trust Him to trust me
I know He has made me capable of being worthy
Now,this architect has to work
and wonders will come her way...
Planned, intended, struggled for but never could be imagined wonders
This transition from pain to something else feels wonderful.


gather up yr tools,
pack yrself in the moment,
We are gona create a miracle!.

http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourbloggingpersonalityquiz/

Your Blogging Type Is Thoughtful and Considerate

You're a well liked, though underrated, blogger. You have a heart of gold, and are likely to blog for a cause. You're a peaceful blogger - no drama for you! A good listener and friend, you tend to leave thoughtful comments for others.

What's" Your Blogging Personality?

My sorrow

My sorrow is.. your solace,
For in helping me,
you help your self.
My sorrow is.. your pain,
For in causing it,
you hurt yourself.
My sorrow is.. your most sensitive self,
Then,
Are we not one?


Love,
Naureen.

Top of the world and looking, down on creation.....

I love mornings! esp when i am up! been up since 11:30 pm and am lovin' it. Studied, shugal kiya, sehri ki, namaz parhi and pre-lab ki!!! I like the LUMS campus! I opt for havin sehri outside the hostel, PDC is so full of life. I like noise!! :) I even make it a point not to eat alone in my room! just bug ppl and talk to them its fun!!! LOL!

Come find me now

Come find me now,
I am all gone.
The treasure that was me,
Has flown.
In its place remains,
A sign.
A testimony that you
hurt me.
hurt me hard,
And now, I am gone
And you, all alone,
In your ignorance,
Can't name your pain.
It's me.
I am your pain.
Come find me now.



Naureen

Heyy!

I like it here! Morning walks and all. I like the ducks here. And i saw a squirrel today! It was soo cutee! It gets lonely here sometimes but mornings at LUMS are beautiful!!! I Like receiving calls from friends from time to time :) SOmeone got a cultus and is what appears to be a crazy Gol Gappa fan! :) I slept at a class time. Missed it. 0.25% of my total grade gone :D but nah, never mind, i am not gona turn into a freak! I gotta take things slowly! LOL and these things happen. The class was at 3:30 and i woke up at 3:50 pm :D But I feel much better now. The past few days were hard,.. asthama and all. It gets so frustuating sometimes, you cant breathe. I cried before sleeping in one of those days. But then I put a smile on ma face and had faith that things wud get better INSHALLAH :) And God listened :) I am much better now. Yeah had dinner at PDc warna hostel mein hi khana magwati thi!
I like my friends here too, we kid around a lot! They tease me with, "Main ja raha hoon." A phrase i use a lot :) If u find ppl of yr type, its much fun!! :) Hostel life is good too. We have a beautiful hostel. It feels like i am writing an essay!
Better get bac to work! I even love the gym here! Aerobics classes are fun :)
Tc byee!

Thats the way I like it

I like it here at LUMS. Its more peaceful, more me. I am finally adjusting here. I like the mornings here.. they are serene and beautiful! I liek my friends here. I feel happier too, i guess. I am happier but then there are ups and downs. The thing i love most abt the dorms is they are well maintained and i can come and get some sleep in between classes if theres a good time gap! I think I am finally adjusting. And setting yr priorities, caring for yr friends feels wonderful!! :) Althoug i am more of a recluse here LOL, running around, doing my chores, mostly alone but i like being wid ppl. I dun follow a particular set of friends to do all activities with, I share activities with different groups of ppl that feels excellent. I like knowing the juniors here that I know, Ahad and Saqib that is.there are certain friends who remain special no matter what!

I am not

I am not ok. I dun feel so. Things are weird. No turning back! I know that things are gonna be fine. I know its gona be alright. But still I am miserable. Yeah, "Hope deferred maketh the heart sick." Its making me sick. I have never felt so lonely in my life. I feel like I dont belong. Its gona take time to adjust. No, I am not crying over going back home. I chose this and I am not backing off. But this is a BIG transition in ma life. I am ok. I will be fine.

I will not not be fine :) Its gona be alright! :)

In LUMS and lovin it!

I am lonely. I am confused. But I have the hope that things are going to be fine! I love this place. The pond, the ducks, the green grass. The hostel too. But room's messy but gotta clean up! I love being here. Its scary being on yr own but it feels good. I do feel insecure. And here, there's this strong need to embrace who u are!!!

Will get back soon!

Things I have learnt at age 19

Got this idea from Absar's blog! :) It seemed lovely so here are my learnt lessons about life...

• I am straight.;)
• I am caring and love to be cared for.
• I have the ability to get up and start anew.
• I can fight and lose or win but I can fight.
• Sometimes the real source to acquire your peace is the power to do something about it.
• Friends matter - a lot. You are bound with family most of the time but its chosen for you. You choose your friends. Fate brings u together but you choose for them to stay.
• If someone is important to you, show them in every way possible.
• Giving a part of yourself can either be the most wonderful, fulfilling experience or the most disgusting, horrifying experience you may have to face. Learn the difference, learn the worth.
• You are worthy. Coz u r living in this moment. What makes it special is your choice to live it. Khalil Gibran passed away. He's gone. No matter how wonderful his writing is, he's not coming back. Hence, find your passions, love your life. Dont let anyone else's writings or works control you for too long.
• If u don't hurt people, life won't give you unsurpassable wounds.
• Making someone feel special(when you mean it) is the most beautiful thing in the world. Its the greatest feeling :)
• If you pick a fallen crumb from a floor, it wont necesarily be what you thought it to be!
• Be gentle with yourself and take care of yourself.
• Forgive yourself for the mistakes you made but always try to fix them.
• If, in a relationship, you receive more negitive or indifferent behaviour than positive, loving behaviour, its not worth being emotionally attached to.

What have u learnt??

Its all coming to me

Why is it all coming back to me? The memories of last year and my struggles. Maybe it signifies closure. which is good.
U know whats the most soothing thing when u wanna get away from everyone and just be yrself when u r really down? sitting on the cool tile floor. I have spent so many minutes lying down on the tile floor, crying so many tears, staring at the ceiling. Its soothing as far as channeling out yr feelings is concerned. But that was months back. Why am i feeling this way now? Closure. It has to be.

I am awfully proud of this!:)

Who is she?
She walks like the night,
Calm and placid like the ocean blue.
But who's she?
I wonder,
If it's important!
She's every person
I've ever come across
She is every man.

She sums up all there is in eternity
And loves with her own heart-and in her own way.
Hate she knows not
Only rage dwells in her heart.
But what are these rare days of serenity?
That manifest in her own self!
Is she two people?
Or just one?
Is she too much?
Or just enough?
Is she loving?
Or lovingly inhumane!
Is she real?
or really a fancy?
What is she?
Where does she come from?
Is she that certain feeling?
Or is she it all?
What makes or breaks her?
WHat are her dreams?
What's so divine that calms her so?
Yet enrages all the same?
Why 2 reactions to the same feeling?
What is she?
That miracle lady?

She is herself,
All alone.
Struggling
Loving and hating all the same.
The calmness that you see is her peace with herself
The pain poses her rage.
In actions imposed
And words revealed.
Feelings manifested,
largely crumpled.
She is but one 'man'
And that is me.

-Naureen

The future

I commented n absar's blog.. abt the future. I think this can even be posted here. It means so much to me coz it compliments my dream!

Hey! A late comment but believe me, i feel i have something worthy to share.I have come to believe that God shows us glimpses of the future. U might see this movie scene, that sort of can be an extension of who u r, or is related to u. A common experience, common dressing, common ambitions. So many things :) I think there are some things u desire. U know for the future. But u see certain things around, in friends, family, media that u find related or fascinating and at times it resembles a part of yr future :)

I just discovered that I cant live without love. It thrives me. And not the fake, I love but cant really help u(read I am too damn selfish) but the i will do anything i can, will help u help yrself sort. Its soothing, it heals. Love is a wonderful feeling! And making compromises in the later is SO worthy. It feels good. it strengthens the bond and makes a relationship lighter. :) U know i read this quote, " dealing with conflicts together strengthens a relationship!" (something like that!) its soo wiseee!
My fav word used to be 'nice' but i think I like 'cute' more now. It sounds cuter!
I asked one of my cuzins to put aside this yellow dress for me! I love yellow!!!! dresses mein yellow looks cute. esp on gals. I think guys look kinda goofy-cute in yellow! not goofy-goofy, goofy-cute!
I am glad i got ma ears pierced (like 3 years bac) i love wearing my earings. Though, my ears hurt now!
Been sleeping loads! :D dun wana be tired!!!:p

Shopping, shopping and more shopping!

I went shopping yesterday! Yeah!! Handbags, purses, jewellery(again!), T-shirts! All I need are shoes now! Yeah! There are gona be so many bags... Good to fill up my stationery and stuff!
7 days until I leave! Am really excited! I cant stop thinking abt my handbags! :) I have this thing for blue things! I haev like 3 blue bags already and (they are of different shades though!) I got another one yesterday! But its SO CUTE!! It looks elegant!
Its light blue with this shiny thing on one side! (I dunno how to describe it!) Yeah i even got blue jewellery!
And I got this black bag.... not too big, not to small! Thats why they call it bags I guess. (Otherwise it wud have been BIG bag!) :D! Man theres so much to do! Not that i really mind! But i still got this sore throat thingy. Am kinda sleepy!